


Sasaki Haise to Everyone

by coffee_ksare



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Admiration, Friendship, Gen, Jealousy, Kindness, Longing, Teacher-Student Relationship, Waiting, envy - Freeform, i guess its a first impression thingy, misparenting, set before becoming a quinx, some delve a little more into the canon time, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-07-23 13:24:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7465074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffee_ksare/pseuds/coffee_ksare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically a first impression thing of Sasaki Haise from the Quinx Squad and a few others from his past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sasaki Haise to Mutsuki Tooru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First impression of Sasaki Haise from Mutsuki Tooru

Sasaki Haise: my teacher, my mentor, my superior, my admiration.

The first time I ever saw him was at the Junior Academy lecture classes when he became my class’s new teacher. He stood in front of the class and welcomed everyone. His hair was fully white and he introduced himself, smiling at everyone, with warm light gray eyes. Sasaki-san’s lectures were always easy to understand and clear as day. We could all tell that he used every drop of effort into planning them and not making them sound like it came straight out of a textbook. In fact, it never failed to make the class laugh once with his puns. The way his lecture notes came out of his lips were soft-spoken and subtle. Never once did he have to raise his tender sweet voice.

When teaching everyone combat moves, he looked as swift as the wind. His movements, quick and smooth. As the students tried their attacks on him, he would never hurt anyone. His kicks would be light, his punches always stopped a few milimetres before contact and he would only tap us with just the right amount of strength to stop us from attacking. He always looked over everyone as if we were all his sliblings. Caring, sensitive, comforting and attentive. Whether someone was hurt physically or emotionally or if someone needed to vent or even if someone had a bad day, he would be there to their aid. Their words of comfort and encouragement, their listening ear, their helping hand or a shoulder for them to lean againt.

Kindness was a simple task he could fufill. Sasaki-san has kindness running through his blood. I admire that part of him though. I admire all of him: his skills, his kindness, his effort and his drive. He is who I envy - who I wish to be like in the future. But time to time, I get worried about Sasaki-san. You know why? It’s because someday, he just might end up overworking. I wonder what I’d do when he disappears easily just like a card in a magician's hand in thin air.


	2. Sasaki Haise to Shirazu Ginshi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First impression of Sasaki Haise from Shirazu Ginshi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewrote this just 2 hours ago and it completely changed from the original one I had wrote, but I think the new one is a lot better.

If I were to describe Sassan in one word, it would be ‘kind’. He’s kind on a daily basis from day to night – literally 24/7.

 I remember the first time we met was at the CCG hospital. I was there for my younger sister, for her small ‘pimple’ turned into a plant and became worse. My sister had fallen asleep, so I exited the room to get a drink from the vending machine, but I had bumped into a man just a few centimetres smaller than me. He had snow white hair with long bangs that covered half his face, yet he had caught the man’s warm gray eyes full of worry. The smaller man had become flustered as he blurted out a “Are you okay?”, his bouquet of flowers fallen on the floor. I assured I was okay multiple times and bent down to get his bouquet.

 Honestly, his bouquet was a splash of colors from all over the place. He had a camellia, a couple of cute little forget-me-nots, a blood red poinsettia, a stalk full of white beads of lily of the valleys, a mellow purple iris and one bright yellow sunflower set right in the middle. I handed it back to the man and he thanked me in a quiet voice.

 Then he asked me, “What are you here for?”

 I said that I came to visit my sister, Haru. When I told him my concerns about her, he took out the purple iris from his bouquet and presented to me with a smile.

 “Give this to your sister. Now, she can have spring right beside her together and not alone.”

 I stared at the iris and nodded. He wished me and her to stay strong and walked off to his room which was just a couple of doors to the right of Haru’s.

 

 Now, he is my mentor. I never knew he was a ghoul till the day he saved us from Serpent. It was shocking to see that someone as kind as him was a ghoul. If there were ghouls like Sassan out in the world, why was it that the CCG only meets the worst ones? Or are we just too oblivious to see the good in them? I don’t understand anything about ghouls the way I did before in the academy any longer. I don’t understand anyone anymore.

 What is it that makes ghouls wrong and not us, the humans?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What Sasaki said to Shirazu when giving the iris is just saying that Haru can have spring with her along with the flower instead of by herself since her name 'Haru' means spring.  
> I believe an iris means hope if I remember properly...  
> Comments and adviced are appreciated! Thank you!!


	3. Sasaki Haise to Yonebayashi Saiko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First impression of Sasaki from Yonebayashi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it a bad thing that i found out Saiko's surname was actually Yonebayashi and not Yonebashi just two days ago? Also, this one came out longer than the other two because i did a bit of background story.

My mother is like the number four - dark, black and unlucky. She has had four misfortunes since the day I was born. Her first misfortune was that I was born in a household of two parents and one brother that broke quickly, so my brother and I were taken along with her to move in to her second lover’s house. Her second misfortune is opening a business that wasn’t doing well and going down on the finances. Her third misfortune is not being able to send me and my brother to a normal school and instead sending us to the CCG Academy. This is when I felt that her unluckiness was rubbing off on me – being sent to an academy I never wanted to and being told to do what I didn’t want to.

The final fourth misfortune was no longer of my mother’s, but mine. I had been forced to undergo surgery to become a half-ghoul, or as the Investigators say, a “Quinx” all because of my high aptitude. My mother hadn’t even asked for my opinion nor talked it through with me. She was just that desperate for money - desperate for money that she would even throw away her own daughter. Who knows what even happened to my brother? It’s wasn’t like she even cared anyway. I guess that’s when I realized that I was nothing but a tool for her.

However, when I was put into the Chateau with three others and my new Maman, things became different. I remember when Shiragin had told me Maman was once our teacher in the academy and I hadn’t remembered. Perhaps it was because he didn’t try to make me pay attention in class or rather I was too focused in my game. However, no matter what I did, Maman was nice to me. He always put my breakfast in the fridge with a lovely handwritten note never waking me up to disturb my sleep and he always let me do whatever I wanted to. He would never bother me when I was playing games all day and being cooped up in my room. When others complained about my work ethics, he simply beamed his angel-like smile at me and dismissed their complaints and he would always be there to protect me from dangers on a mission.

Now, he is gone and I’m left as the vice leader of the Quinx alongside Urie. Maman has done so much for me and I can’t thank him enough, so I will be a proper investigator and protect everyone in his respect. I wait for the day he will come back not as Sasaki Haise, but as himself – his true self.


	4. Sasaki Haise to Urie Kuki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First impression of Sasaki from Urie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took longer to update than the others! I couldn't quite write about Urie for I didn't know how?!?! Like, how does one Urie? Anyways, I'm so sorry, but I hope you enjoy!

I, being the top in my class have had perfect attendance in my Academy days; however, when I saw a young man in his early twenties with snow white hair in an ordinary suit that was the first time I wished I had skipped class.

I realized something was off from the moment I entered the classroom: it wasn’t cold, hard and set in place or strict. It was like being up in the clouds, all fluffy and gentle. In fact, the instructor himself was the definition of fluffy and gentle. His stature was small and he was thin. His gestures were soft, his voice was delicate and I never saw him get off beat. (Not even Yonebayashi managed to upset him.) However, to me, his gestures were weak, his voice was far too quiet and his tolerance was up in the sky. Was he even fit to be an investigator? Rather, was he even fit to be an instructor?

After that class, I never wished to see him again. Except, that completely backfired when I became a Quinx. Sasaki Haise was now my mentor and I absolutely detested him. Everything about his lectures were plain dumb and idiotic. If I did something, then I should get credit – myself alone – for I was the one that did the work. Teamwork simply hinders an individual’s abilities and ties them down from glory. Sasaki acts like we're his kids, protecting us instead of letting us face the dangers to get stronger and lecturing us about the most common things an Investigator should already know.

“Even when your legs and arms are torn off, fight!” (Yeah, like hell I didn’t know that!)

When people see my ambition, they nod and comment that I don’t know Sasaki well enough, but I beg to differ; I’m the one that knows him too well – how much of a monster he is. He has that rank I’m not in position of. He has the authority that I have yet to achieve. He has that strength I can’t have. He has everything.

I hate him. (I envy him.)

I despise him. (I’m jealous of him.)

I want to overthrow him. (I want to be him.)

Sasaki may be flawless, but I know a tragedy will befall him soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After writing the Quinxs, I've been thinking if I should write some for Hide and Hinami and Touka, but I'm not sure yet. Please tell me what you guys think of that and thank you for reading!!


	5. Sasaki Haise to Kirishima Touka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First impression of Sasaki Haise from Kirishima Touka

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I can hardly call Touka's a 'first impression' because it turned out to be more of a depressing one with reminiscing. But, I hope you guys enjoy it!

I know that Kaneki will come back. I will wait for him at the place where he belongs – :re. No matter what I will always have an employment space ready for him. I will always have a room where he can spend the night ready. I will always have a cup of black coffee waiting for him. I will do anything for _him._

However, when a young man in a white trench coat along with four others walked into the café, my heart cracked. You with your waved, black rooted, white hair sat around a table for six, leaving one chair blank. As I took your orders, I smiled faintly, trying to glue back the crack in my heart.

I couldn’t.

I glanced at your squad while making the coffees and I couldn’t help but feel joyful for you for having found a group where you fit in, but at the same time, I feel bitter for not being able to one of those people whom you are talking to.

I refuse to believe this, but you are different. You are no longer shy like you used to be and you make lame jokes and puns from time to time. Not only is your hair style different, your occupation is completely what I never thought you’d be and you seem…happy.

When I set the coffees down on your table, I felt sorrow hit me like an enormous wave. That cup of coffee was for Kaneki, not for someone named Sasaki Haise. I wanted to snatch that cup back, except, when you took a sip of the dark brown liquid and tears streamed down your cheeks, it suddenly didn’t matter. Handing you my handkerchief, I kept my composure, once more, with my pursed smile as I saw the scene unravel in front of me.

Once again you have shattered my heart and I can no longer piece the parts back together.

“You are Sasaki Haise,” is what I kept telling myself like a broken record, but I just can’t keep the image of Kaneki out of my mind for you are clearly etched in my heart like a vivid painting. I remember the you who used to work at Anteiku all too well for my own good will.

Bumping into you by accident won’t be like the times I’ve hit you for making a mistake. Staring at your eyes won’t be like the times I glared at you when I was angry and flashing that fake, well composed smile at you won’t be the same as the times I smirked at you, Kaneki. Nothing will ever be the same. You are no longer Kaneki Ken, but in fact, Sasaki Haise. Yet, I will still wait for you because I know you’ll return and fix my broken heart.


	6. Sasaki Haise to Tsukiyama Shuu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First impression of Sasaki Haise from Tsukiyama Shuu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Double update! I don't know what happened, but I was just on a roll today. Once again, this is probably far from a first impression thing, so it just seems like Tsukiyama is mourning for Kaneki. Please excuse the others that aren't Quinxs. I just can't not write them being sad and desperately wanting Kaneki back.  
> Also, I forgot to mention it earlier, but you guys have no idea how happy your comments make me! I swear, you guys are an expert at flattering me. It makes me really happy that you guys like and enjoy my writing since I never thought of myself as someone that's very artsy in creative writing, so thANK YOU SO MUCH!! Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as well!

My dear Kaneki, what has happened to you? Why is it that I no longer see that snow white or jet black hair of yours? Nor your shy yet ruthless demeanour and your cute trademark eye patch?

I now see a young man in early twenties with waved white hair and black roots, excess the eye patch, in a white trench coat and black dress pants adorned in grey stripes. I see you wearing black and white often like before, but you carry an unfamiliar briefcase. I heard you were walking around town in the first ward, but I didn’t hear that you walked with four others that bear the same occupation as you. You have no eye patch to cover up your peculiar left eye, but you still have those warm grey eyes that always made everyone feel welcomed.

The time when I fell trying to catch up to you, I wish I could redo it and make myself look more _fabuleux_ , but I was desperate. I thought if you left me like before once more, I’d never be able to see you again. I hoped for the day we could talk together again, however when we did, I must have lost my mind because you were not who I thought you were.

Yes, you still like Takatsuki Sen’s works and you’ve heard of The Physiology of Taste, but you don’t remember the times we visited numerous cafes and bookstores together. Yes, you are still strong – perhaps even stronger than before – but you don’t remember my declaration to be your hidden sword. Of course, you are still caring and _gentil_ , but you don’t remember who used to care for you.

You are Kaneki Ken, but you don’t call yourself that nor have you ever heard of that name. You go by Sasaki Haise and you were born on April 2nd instead of December 20th. I thought I knew everything about you, Kaneki. I really did. But I now know absolutely nothing about you and it makes me _désespéré_. It honestly makes me lose my sanity and go crazy. I keep telling myself _calmato,_ but it never works anymore because I’ve realized a long time ago that only you can bring back my sanity.

You may be Sasaki Haise for now, but I will never let you go from my memories. Come back, Kaneki, I miss you desperately. I’ve let you go once – I won’t ever let you go again.

Oh, how I miss you terribly, _mon chéri._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know any german like what Tsukiyama says in the manga, but I know french so I used a little french in this.  
> fabuleux - fabulous  
> gentil - kind/nice  
> mon chéri - my dear  
> and calmato - calm down in Italian  
> Well, I'll be back with Hinami next probably, so this was Sunny, and thank you for reading!


	7. Sasaki Haise to Fueguchi Hinami

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fueguchi Hinami missing Kaneki Ken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is no longer even a first impression thing. More like just wanting Kaneki back. Hinami's turned out longer than the others, but I just had the creative juices flowing in me like crazy so it just happened. I'm surprised I got this done the day right after I wrote Touka's and Tsukiyama's, but I guess I was in the zone or something, but I hope you guys enjoy!

I am a butterfly. I have gorgeous, colourful wings, but they are frail and weak. I may be a butterfly, but I do not search for pollen in lovely flowers, but instead I search for a four leaf clover in the fresh green field. However, a lucky clover is not easily given to a person who walks on thin ice.

As I walked on thin ice, I thought it was a miracle that I heard a scream when the CCG was in the middle of a raid. The voice was in agony, but I knew that voice and I had heard it several times before. Still, it hurt to hear it. To hear a familiar voice on the speakers that I haven’t heard in months, it was surely not just a coincidence. Of course, if it was a book, it could surely be possible for I knew that onii-chan’s life was clearly not a very joyful one.

The time I walked came to an end, hearing the scream; that’s when I began to tread a little faster on the ice that started to sweat little beads of water.

When I was imprisoned, I was overly delighted when you brought me books. I wanted to talk to you more, but I knew you had a busy schedule, so I spent my days alone, rereading the books you had left me, refusing to speak to others. All I could do was connect to you through your books and see Kaneki Ken in my mind. I hate how I can’t get myself to call you Sasaki Haise when I see your bothered look when I call you onii-chan, but I simply can’t help myself and I end up feeling melancholy.

The sorrow ended up turning into utter desperation when I heard my execution date was fixed. That’s when I started running on the ice without caring if it broke underneath my feet.

The days I wore a dress with clovers plastered on was long ago, yet I still yearn for those days to come back. I wish I could hear onii-chan read Takatsuki Sen’s books that were full of complex kanjis and tell me that _usurai_ was a prettier word than _hakuhyou_ , but those days are gone into the past and we can’t return to them for we had already walked past them.

I knew I had received my lucky clover when I saw you, onii-chan. When you saved me before my execution, I felt wholly content, but I regret nothing from slapping you; I do not wish for you to die because of me. However, I could feel myself getting lighter and lighter with every step of the way to reunite with everyone and before I knew it, I was in the clear blue sky, flying freely with my beautiful wings.

Below me, the thin ice dissolve into a flood of water and got tainted in crimson red like a drop of blood had hit the water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don't know, hakuhyou and usurai mean thin ice/danger. That'll help you guys get the last sentence of this chapter, but if you don't get it, you can just ask me. Anyways, I'll be back with Hide's next and thank you for reading!


	8. Sasaki Haise to Nagachika Hideyoshi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide missing Kaneki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! I have the last chapter, which is Hide. I spent quite some time trying to think how to start this one because, undoubtedly, Hide is one of the most important characters to Kaneki and the two have been friends for quite a long time. Anyhow, I finished it and I hope you guys enjoy!

Kaneki Ken and I are best friends; best friends never leave each other, right? That’s what I thought, but one day, you grew distant towards me and slowly drifted away into the other side of the world – the ghoul side.

I’m sorry, Kaneki. I knew how much you wanted to protect me, but I found out you were the monster everyone has become to hate and be disgusted by. However, I trusted you, so I waited for you to tell me the truth right to my face, but that never happened. No matter how much I followed you, you kept walking away. It was as if when I walked one step forward, you walked two steps; I couldn’t catch up to you. I wonder when we changed from walking together, side by side, to walking in a distance that will remain there for eternity.

When I finally saw you, you looked awful – just plain horrible. I had never seen you so pale that your skin almost blended with your white hair. Nor have I ever seen you so dishevelled and absolutely drained of energy. Most of all, I have never seen you lose your sanity to the point of being ludicrous. That’s when I realized that you had changed.

After that raid, I didn’t see you for months, but I happened to bump into someone that looked oddly similar to you. He had waved hair with black roots growing back as if he had dyed his hair and he apologized with a soft smile as his warm grey eyes met mine. I noticed he wore a long, white trench coat and he held a black briefcase with him. As soon as I heard him speak, I knew it was you, Kaneki. Once more, you have changed without me knowing.

At times, when I see you at the café :re, I end up only thinking about the old you. I remember all the times we’ve sat on that giant whale at the playground, chatting until it was dark and we could see the brilliant stars and the times we’ve done homework together and whatnot. I wish we could have those old days back where we visited Anteiku together and laughed at our drawings of a ghoul and got yelled at Touka-chan. However, I miss terribly the times we walked beside each other after classes were over. I regret taking those things for granted because now, I can’t even be beside you when that’s the simplest thing friends do.

That ever existing distance is still between us and it’s just gotten bigger and bigger since it was created. I can no longer reach out to you anymore; I can only see you from afar, alone, longing for you to come back. I thought we were best friends, Kaneki, but what happened to us?

I’m stuck here wondering, “What went wrong in our friendship?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading this work! Your guys' support and love helped me a lot and i hope you'll continue to support me and enjoy my works!


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